Helloooo there, sunshine!

Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters of Rainer Maria Rilke

Spring! Intoxicating. Boundless energy. A nose full of fresh dirt...dead grass letting go its grip on earth to make way for newborn tendrils...a thought one comforts oneself with when seeing the detritus of winter spread throughout the house. (Alpha Pants: I've swept this kitchen twice since this morning! Quit letting the dog out!) Rich black mulch, yellow Texas roses, and happy Coreopsis cheerfully waving at passersby. I can't stop looking out the window at SPRING.

“Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A prescription for joy: buy an Ipod. Download songs that make you happy. Explore new music. Make playlists for each mood...then sit back and enjoy. A life without music is....like a life without spring!


It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"”
Winnie the Pooh

Spring break: when my family is home, and there is more time to enjoy friends. The beautiful days make political and moral discussions too heavy. Wandering through flower gardens, sipping on Starbucks, saying little, enjoying each other.

At least, that's how I imagine it. I am home, in the dining room window, waiting for her to come back...

One of the many lessons one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be. Oscar Wilde

I cannot decide if I like that quote or not. Part of me believes in mans/dogs ability to change their future by hard work and determination. However, I have also seen first-hand that sometimes, no matter what you do, things is what they is.

I speak whereof I know. From prison. Or imprisonment. Apparently my appetite for all things lipgloss was a breach of unspoken law. As was the devouring of an ink pen on the couch. And rearranging certain things in certain messy bedrooms. Regardless, I now have ample time for ruminating. And here are some of my "noticings":

Would the truly repentent Tiger Woods please step forward? Hello? Hello?

Hey, Glenn Beck, King Midas called and he wants his Golden Touch back.

Michael Jackson is still dead and no number of nominations for any awards will bring him back to life.

Let me make myself perfectly clear, Mr. President--America does not want your health care plan.

Would Adam Lambert PLEASE go back in the closet--I can't take anymore of the freakshows on Idol.

And finally....wait, is Obama still president? See? Sometimes, things are what they are. And in spite of that, we are still plugging along.

Some of us more freely than others.

Samplings of my life...

A person should never state that they are bored. If they do, there are two probable issues. One, that person does not have enough work to do. Two, that person is tragically devoid of imagination. For instance, I spend 9 long hours a day alone. In a house. That is lacking proper supervision. I busy myself by chasing off real and imagined passersby. I sleep. And I discover ways to torment those I live with.

One day, it was going to freeze. Alpha Pants brought in three luscious potted plants to protect them from the elements. I busied myself in "dead-heading" them and pruning them all day. I made sure to leave my evidence deposited throughout the house, so that Alpha Pants would not have to come home from work and think, "Whatever shall I do with my evening?"

Another day, I discovered a bedroom door left open. I will plead the fifth on what occurred, but I can report that 17 Webkinz stuffed animals were left in a trail from the entryway, through the living room, up the stairs, and throughout the game room for the children's picking-up pleasure. I have enjoyed listening to many conversations on what I could possibly have been up to.

They will never know.

Unfortunately, Alpha Pants children are quite good at amusing themselves as well. They have recently discovered their own form of "payback" for my household activities. The humiliating image accompanying this post is all the explanation you need.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

If you're looking for trouble
You came to the right place
If you're looking for trouble
Just look right in my face
(Elvis Presley's "Trouble")

I would say I didn't do it, but I can't hide the evidence. It's stuck all over my white fur. I could blame it on the fact that it was left out in the open, but it wasn't. I dug it out of a pile of clothes. Then ripped it open, chewed it, rolled in it (I must have--it's all over me AND stuck to the carpet). I completely enjoyed it. I am not repentent. I am a dog. (Hey, Tiger Woods, there's one for you to try out!!)

I can only hope my family learned a valuable lesson. A fool and her gum (all 20 pieces) are soon parted. You can't hide it well enough. You can't discipline me enough. You can only shut the door and hope my overly intelligent terrier brain doesn't figure out how to turn doorknobs.

I could continue writing about the expense of big city, Sunday afternoon emergency vet clinics, but I won't. Humans have great inferring skills. What I will share with you is that Xylitol, which is found in sugar-free gum, can be deadly to dogs. I'm not an average dog. I didn't eat any Xylitol-laced gum. Which is great, because Alpha Pants says she would have gone all "death panel" health care on me. Whatever.

Gum is awesome.

Do you see what I see?

A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together! ~Author Unknown

There's one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. ~Clyde Moore

Winter came down to our home one night...Quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow,And we, we were children once again.~Bill Morgan, Jr.

Little Guy Packs a Big Punch

It is very difficult to write this post given the amount of discomfort I am in. Not to mention the humiliation I am feeling. Two words for you: burn, itch. Here's two more: fire, ant. Got it?

I was completing a private job in the backyard, which is never private enough for us canines, if you know what I mean. Either we're being stared at, shouted at to hurry up, or having crass comments made about what we are doing. Anyway, I was doing my business when I felt sudden, repeating stabs of pain. If I were Alpha Pants, I would have screamed obscenities. But I am only Brady, and I was rendered voiceless with the combination of pain and my hideous fear of insects.

I tore madly around the yard, trying to escape the agony. My idiot owners thought I was playing a game, and laughed at me. When I came into the house, I did everything I could to communicate my need for assistance, besides standing up on my hind two feet, pointing at my belly with a paw, and demanding immediate intervention. Instead, they followed me around, commenting and giggling on how silly and adorable I was. FAIL!!! FAIL!!!! FAIL!!!!!

To make a long and probably useless story short, Alpha Pants finally decided to see if something was wrong with my rear end (as if!), and discovered that I was literally CRAWLING with fire ants in my nether regions. Things swiftly turned in my favor as three genuinely repentent humans scrabbled through my fur, braving fire ant bites and removed many of the evil critters from me. But the damage was done. My poor belly is speckled with red, swollen bites that will itch, burn, and discomfort me for days.

My closing advice: look before you squat.

Such goin's on!

Rarely have I enjoyed a spectacle such as I did this evening. It's homecoming season, and there were fireworks in the air the past month as Alpha Pants does not have warm feelings for teen dances, but teens, well, they do. Since the oldest teen is about sixteen, she was allowed to go in spite of it all.

Erica, the teen we speak of, had a friend and the friends date over to get ready and have dinner. Alpha Pants was going to prepare a lovely feast of shredded pork tacos, Mexican rice, etc. Right in the middle of browning the rice and two children emptying the dishwasher, Alpha Pants ran outside to start her sprinkler. Why, you may ask? What was so important about watering the lawn at that moment? I can hardly say.

I tried to follow her. She had no idea I had an upset tummy. When she came tearing back into the house to stir the rice, she unfortunately stepped with her bare feet in my barf, which I left lying on the slick floor right next to the back door. Since there was company in the house, and since she was cooking their dinner, she tried to be discreet. She hissed hysterically at the two younger children to bring her paper towels. They stared at her for several moments, then ineffectively tried to locate paper towels. Meanwhile, a very pungent burning smell was coming from the stove.

As they hand the increasingly irate Alpha Pants the requested paper towels, into the kitchen walk the infortunate Erica and her friend (whom, before this very evening, Alpha Pants has never met). Oblivous as only teens can be, Erica says, "What smells so good? Can I have the guacamole? Oh, did the dog throw up?" And enters the fray, tearing open the chips and digging into the fridge for cokes.

Well, Emily Post would be shaking her head in horror, as Alpha Pants pulled back her lips in rabid dog style and ordered the girls out of the kitchen. Company or no, I guess there's only so much a mom can take.

Alpha Pants did explain her behavior later at dinner (sans the rice), and shared what I hope was equal amusement with the teens. Hopefully, when those girls are adults, something similar will happen to them and they will remember her with understanding.

As for me, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't get in trouble for barfing. Erica and friend distracted Alpha Pants from that. Instead, I eavesdropped, barked, got fed under the table, and successfully got dog hair all over the dressed-up almost-adults. What a great evening.